Relationships

Why Relationships Matter

Relationships can:

• Help you feel loved and understood

• Make you feel less lonely

• Build your confidence

• Help you learn new things

• Make life more fun

But many people with a learning disability or autism don’t get to have the relationships they want. A 2019 Scottish survey found:

• 52% sometimes or often felt lonely

• Only 5% lived with a partner (compared to 56% of others)

• Only 3% were married (compared to 47%)

• Many didn’t see family, friends, or partners as much as they wanted

What Can Make Relationships Difficult?

Sometimes it can be hard to build relationships. One reason is not getting the chance to go out and meet new people. Another reason is not understanding the different kinds of relationships, like friendship or romantic ones. Some people are not given the chance to learn about love, sex, or how to give and understand consent. And lastly, other people might try to protect you too much, which can stop you from learning and making your own choices.

Friend or Foe? (Watch Out for Mate Crime)

Not everyone who says they are your friend really is. Mate crime is when someone pretends to be your friend but might take your money, hurt your feelings or make you do things you don’t want to do.

Read more on mate crime here.

Be careful. Real friends treat you with kindness and respect.

Romantic Relationships

You have the right to love and be loved. Romantic relationships should be:

• Based on trust and care

• Fun and respectful

• Something you choose

In 2012, research found that that there were four main barriers to relationships and sex education for people with a learning disability in Northern Ireland.  These were:

1. protection versus personal development
2. lack of training
3. scarcity of educational resources
4. cultural prohibitions.

Watch TILII’s video on Romantic Relationships here.

Consent and Safe Relationships

In any romantic or sexual relationship, consent is very important. Consent means that both people fully agree to what is happening. They both feel comfortable, safe, and happy with the situation. Saying “yes” should always be a choice — not something you feel forced or pressured into.

To give consent, a person needs to understand what they’re agreeing to. This is called having the capacity to consent. People with a learning disability, autism, or additional support needs have the same rights to relationships as anyone else. But they might need more support to understand what consent means and how to give or withdraw it.

It’s important that you know:

• You can say yes if you want to

• You can say no if you don’t

• You can change your mind at any time

• The other person must always listen and respect your choice

Everyone has boundaries — things they are comfortable with, and things they are not. A healthy relationship means feeling safe to talk about your boundaries and having them respected.

Learning About Safe Sex

Another key part of romantic relationships is safe sex. This means knowing how to protect yourself and your partner. Safe sex helps prevent unwanted pregnancy, infections, and can help you feel more in control of your body.

Learning about safe sex can include:

• How to use condoms and other protection

• What good sexual health means

• Where to go for help or check-ups

• Understanding your rights in a relationship

You have the right to get information and support in a way that makes sense to you. Talking about these things might feel awkward at first, but it’s important. These conversations can help you feel more confident, stay safe, and enjoy your relationships in a healthy, respectful, and happy way.